You finally get the positive pregnancy test you have been waiting for and you can’t wait to tell all your besties and family. You come to them with the good news and no sooner are the “congratulations” done and the friendly, well meaning “advice” starts pouring in. Will you be eating organic? not getting your hair did? cutting out caffeine? giving up your favorite foods and products? properly exercising? not being vegetarian anymore? having a “natural” birth? hiring the right doctor, no midwife, no…no…no…
Listen ladies, this is the time to put your mama bear pants on and make your feelings known on when you are looking for advice and when you have had enough. The judgement zone is real and although mostly well intended, the truth is, this is your body and your baby. Unfortunately, you may not be able to stop all of it, as it is a landslide, but you can curb it by using ear muffs and a little good old-fashioned honesty. For example, “I appreciate your advice on this and I hear what you are saying. Thank you for caring about the baby and me”. END CONVERSATION.
Here are the top 4 things you can to do avoid the toll that judgement can take on you:
- Don’t tell people your REAL ESTIMATED due date… remember these words… it is an ESTIMATE no necessarily the DAY you will have your baby. Most first timers have their babies around 41Weeks and 3Days… in other words TEN whole days past their date. If you don’t want people harassing you about when you will be induced, don’t tell them when you are due.
- If someone asks you what your birth plan is tell them you are keeping it loose. They do not have to be privy to the fact that you are having a homebirth, hospital birth, c-section, free birth, birth in the middle of the woods with wolves attending… noneya (business).
- If you are questioned about your diet…Please let them know that your baby is doing great and things are progressing normally. Your Dr. doesn’t have a problem with your caffeine consumption so neither should they.
- Let them know… if they are hurting your feelings or making you feel like a bad mom this is your chance to put everyone back in line. You (like most women) are doing your best for you and your baby during this special time and there is no need for extraneous, unwanted comments even from your closest friends and family. They need to honor the choices you are making.
If you find yourself in this predicament receiving advice that you have no room in your heart for remember… STOP.
S…shut your mouth unwanted advice giver
T…truth, yours is not mine
O…opinions are best kept to yourself
P…please cut me a little slack… I’m doing my best